C Me Dance (2009)

I'm going to hell for this one, children.

Yes, it's C Me Dance, which is quite possibly the worst movie I've ever seen. The trailer was brought to my attention by the magic that is THE INTERNET and it was just recently released on DVD, which resulted in my brother getting it via Netflix.

The film is a poorly acted, poorly written, and overly preachy Christian film that eventually turns itself into a joke and loses any real message it may have been able to depart.

The film follows Sheri, a young girl who loves ballet and stilted dialogue. She lives with her father (Greg Robbins) after her mother was killed in a incident that rips off the movie Duel. Greg Robbins is a bit of an auteur in the Christian film world. He wrote and directed this film, and has had his hand in several other productions including Pastor Greg, the first Christian Sitcom which is preview when you first put the disc in your DVD player. It's visual AIDS. One day, while dancing Sheri falls and is rushed to the hospital where she discovers that she has leukemia that is so advanced that treatment will do absolutely nothing. Despite being able to do everything she could have done before her diagnosis, Sheri is doomed to die.

But, fortunately for her and THE WORLD, God has decided to grant her with telepathy and the ability to turn someone into a Christian by simply touching them. This, of course, as the movie states "ticks off the Devil" so he appears in the form of an Arnold Schwarzenegger lookalike wearing a black trenchcoat. Right off the bat, we're told that the Devil can't hurt anyone, so any delusions that this film has of being a thriller are completely shattered. Of course, Sheri starts turning people towards God, the world becomes a better place because everyone is a Christian and then Sheri dees on Christmas Morning.

The film really does suck, the acting is so stilted that every single line feels written. There's not an iota of naturalness in this film. And Greg Robbins really had no business in making films, he can't write and her certainly can't act. Plus, the film becomes a joke of its own making. I mean, isn't the idea of faith that we're supposed to come to our own conclusions as opposed to being bewitched into Christianity? And later in the film, when Sheri and her father are trying to do a nationwide broadcast so that Sheri can convert the masses, she simply has to touch the Network Exec. and they'll do whatever she wants. Plus, we're treated to a ridiculous scene in which the effect of Sheri's converting people is shown in various newspapers "Murder and Rape are down such-and-such percent!" one person exclaims. We're also told that the owner of a Porno shop is closing his business because of its sinful nature and devoting money to families that have been destroyed by porn. Also, the next three films up for released have been shelved forever because they go against family values. It's ridiculous. Apparently every issue in the world will be solved if everyone were a Christian.

I know I said I would do Christmas in Connecticut but this film was so awful (in an awesome kind of way, I laughed quite a lot), that I figured I would share it with you. My day-late Christmas present to my wonderful readers (all three of you).

Here's the trailer, which will give you a taste of it's awesomeness.